


bigmouth strikes again (i was only joking)

by springofviolets



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Humor, Implied Daddy Kink, Implied Rimming, M/M, Rated Mature due to Yurio's mouth, as in it's mostly crack but a lil more serious towards the end, implied BDSM, none of this actually happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 20:44:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11768031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/springofviolets/pseuds/springofviolets
Summary: Yuri gets annoyed with Victor teasing him about his relationship with Otabek, so he decides to fight fire with TMI. The catch: eventually Victor wants to have a Stern Talk with Otabek, who has no clue his boyfriend is making up these stories to tell.





	bigmouth strikes again (i was only joking)

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Bigmouth Strikes Again," originally by the Smiths but my preferred cover is Placebo. Shoutout to [weird_bird](http://archiveofourown.org/users/2weird4/pseuds/weird_bird) and my pal shulie for reading through this for me.

The teasing starts immediately after the dinner in Barcelona, of course. Victor is utterly delighted at Yuri having his First Real Friend and that quickly transforms into him asking about when Yuri and Otabek are having their next date, no matter how many times Yuri furiously tells him it wasn’t a date (and if it was, which it wasn’t, Victor crashed it _anyway_ ).

It gets worse when they start texting regularly.  “Is that Otabek?” Victor asks as he skates by Yuri, who is doing stretches (because it’s a rest month, let him live) while scrolling through Instagram on his phone. Just because he’s amused in the picture Otabek posted doesn’t mean that every time he lets a bit of a grin crack he’s talking to Otabek.

Yuri takes a week at the end of January to visit Almaty for the first time. He almost manages to board the plane without incident until Victor enthusiastically hugs him one last time and shoves something into his bag. Once they’re out of sight, he peeks in to see what it was, and his face heats. He shudders. Stupid, gross old man.

Still, his stay with Otabek is nice; his friend is a good host and lets him come to one of the nights he DJs at a club, as long as Yuri allows himself to be supervised by some of Otabek’s Almaty friends. Said friends are surprisingly mischievous and cackle as they tell Yuri an endless amount of embarrassing stories about Otabek. Like how much he talks about Yuri. That night Yuri manages to persuade him that really, Otabek doesn’t need to sleep on the couch again, and wakes up in the morning smooshed against the other boy’s chest, legs tangled at their ankles. When they part at the airport at the end of the week, he pretends not to be extremely pleased when Beka gives him a soft kiss on the cheek. (He knows Beka is not fooled.)

Victor and the other Yuuri keep him for dinner the night he returns. “Yuriooooo,” Victor sing-songs out as he drapes himself all over the cooking other-Yuuri. “How was your time with your _lover_?”

“Shut up, he’s not my lover. Not for your lack of trying, you freak,” Yuri responds.

Yuuri frowns. “What exactly does that mean?”

“He put condoms in my bag,” Yuri says, grinning sharply.

“Victor!” Yuuri scolds his him, but it’s tragically lacking any actual anger.

And so it continues on like that.

“Yurio, say hello to your lover for us!” Victor hollers as he leaves their apartment.

“What is your lover’s instagram?” Victor says another day, ignoring the raised eyebrows and horrified faces of their friends around them. “I want to follow him.”

(“Lover?!” Mila gushes at him immediately afterwards. “How could you hide this? Is it that handsome skater from Kazakhstan from your exhibition skate? I bet it is.”

“I hate all of you,” Yuri says, and jams earbuds in. He angles his phone away so no one can see that the album playing is actually a mix titled “Beka <3.”)

“Yurio, when is your lover going to visit you here?” Victor asks loudly when they’re out shopping.

Near the end of February, it starts to become: “Is loverboy visiting for your birthday? Does he know your birthday? Maybe I should message him on instagram” he says, curled up in Yuuri’s lap as he talks, and really--does Victor really not know that not everyone is a disgusting couple who can’t go two seconds without PDA, sucking face, or grinding on each other in public professional settings, or does Victor just enjoy mocking him? Also, how did he get Beka’s private instagram? Yuri never gave it to him.

Ugh. Yuri can’t be blamed at that point for snapping. The time has come for payback.

“Yes, he is,” Yuri replies. Sure, they’ve talked about it, though he doesn’t know if Beka’s actually worked it out with his coach and booked a flight yet. “By the way, I won’t be at practice on my birthday since I plan to ride him ‘til his dick breaks.”

Victor drops his phone, eyes wide.

Yuri suppresses a cackle.

*

Victor stops saying _lover_ every five minutes, but he doesn’t stop giving Yuri delighted looks when he seems him on the phone or asking questions about Otabek, so the openings continue to be there, and Yuri’s not about to pass them by. Not when he’s finally found a way to ruffle Victor.

It’s something that helps pass the time, to distract himself from the fact that video chats have nothing on actually having Otabek with him, and from how embarrassingly attached he has apparently become. Fortunately, he doesn’t have to suffer and hide his complaints about distance for too long, since the flight between their cities is relatively quick and cheap, and that means Beka will, in fact, be with him for his birthday.

“What time is Otabek’s flight arriving?” Victor asks.

Yuri is kicked back on their couch. “Seven. Ish.” He looks at the clock--that’s about an hour from now. “He’s taking a cab here and we’re using your spare bedroom so I don’t have Yakov and Lilia hovering during my free time.”

“Of course, no problem, since you asked so nicely. Such a sweet son we have, Yuuri,” he says to the man beside him. Yuuri humors him and pats him consolingly. “What have you planned to do while he’s here?”

Yuri grins and Victor realizes his misstep too late. “I bought some fun games for to play while he’s here and stuff.”

Victor relaxes. “Oh, that sounds fun,” he says.

“Yeah, one of them is like this giant cross? And it comes with some straps and a flogger and shit, and--”

“Noooo, stop!” Victor shrieks.

*

The weekend Otabek is there is pretty quiet on the “Torture Victor” front, mostly because Yuri is just too busy spending time with his best friend/boyfriend and also because said boyfriend has no idea that Yuri is torturing Victor with details about things they _have not done_ (he’s just very good at googling) because Beka is a gentleman. Yuri has no plans for him to find out, either.  They actually do play games while he’s there, but they’re ones stolen from Yuuri’s stash and consoles.

Victor eyes Otabek the entire time, but Yuri is careful to never leave them alone in a room together.

“Are you staying for dinner?” Victor asks the first night. By this point he’s apparently learned to just not mention Otabek by name or reference, since it never ends well for him.  “My Yuuri is cooking.”

“No,” Yuri says. “We’re going out to dinner and then Beka’s eating my ass for dessert.”

Victor freezes with a horrified look. Yuri counts it as a victory and goes to collect Otabek; they actually _are_ going out for dinner.

*

Things return in full force once Otabek leaves.

“I’m taking a nap here before I leave,” Yuri says. “I’m exhausted, if you know what I mean.” When Victor doesn’t take the bait, he continues with “I think Makkachin might have run off with something of mine; if you see a cute little plug with a tail on it, let me know.”

Other-Yuuri seems unphased, like he knows Yuri is just making shit up, but Victor cries dramatically into Makkachin’s fur.

And later:

“Victor.” Yuri is at the door, about to head back to his own place, but he needs one last go. “What are some good lingerie stores? We have a Skype date when he gets home and Beka likes when I look pretty when I call him daddy.”

Yuri _practiced_ that one; he’s expecting a very satisfying reaction. Instead, Victor’s face is neutral, and he takes a deep breath, then backs out of the room. Yuri watches him go, scowling all the way at the lack of response.

He’s exhausted when he gets home and takes a quick shower before his scheduled call with Otabek. As he towel-dries his hair, the call comes in, and he answers immediately. “Hey, Beka! I miss you already. How was the flight home?”

“Yura,” Otabek responds slowly. “Can you tell me why I have a message from Victor Nikiforov yelling at me for making you dress up and call me daddy?”

Fuck. Why didn’t it occur to Yuri that Victor might actually say something to Beka after he left? Shit. He decides to try playing innocent, and wrinkles his brow. “I don’t know? You know he’s super weird.”

“Yuri.” Otabek’s voice is firm. “Tell me the truth.”

“Fine!” Yuri huffs, feeling a nauseating mixture of anger and mortification. They haven’t done anything more than kiss and now stupid Victor has made Otabek think Yuri wants to jump into kink like a weirdo. “He kept nagging me about my _lover_ and since he’s always crawling on top of Katsudon I figured I’d just do what he does and give him too much information. Except obviously I made stuff up to _really_ traumatize him.” Yuri pauses and frowns. “Ugh, I can’t believe he told you.”

“Well,” Otabek replies dryly, lips quirking into his almost-smile, “I can’t blame him since he thought he was just reporting a naughty boy to his _Daddy_.”

Yuri flushes and puts one of his pillows in front of his face. “Shut up! Oh my god.” His voice is muffled. “How can you say that with a straight face.”

“You brought this on yourself.” Otabek laughs. “Are you trying to tell me something? Do you want to do that stuff?”

“No!” Yuri shouts immediately, tossing the pillow back on his bed and narrowly missing Potya. “Well. Maybe some of the stuff I might. A little. Not just the freaky shit he probably told you about. If you wanted.”

Through the screen, he sees Otabek shift and his voice lowers some. “What other kinds of filthy things did you say, Yuri?”

The tone makes him shiver; his voice sounds so good. Yuri pulls his legs up in front of him and rests his chin on his knees. “I may...have said something at one point about me riding you until you break and you eating my ass for dessert.”

Otabek groans, and Yuri perks up, feeling a little less embarrassed knowing the thoughts are affecting Beka too. “God, Yura. Next time we see each other.”

“Yeah?” Yuri asks breathlessly.

“Yeah,” Otabek confirms. “Now, you’re going to go so I can take _my_ shower. I’m still feeling plane-gross.”

Yuri resists the urge to whine, to try to get Otabek to tell him more about what they can do. He knows that even if the flight wasn’t long, it’s still past midnight in Kazakhstan.  So he just says, “Okay. Talk tomorrow?”

After Beka assuring him _of course_ , they sign off.

Yuri flops onto his bed and opens a text to Victor.

Just because things turned out okay (maybe even great, maybe even fantastically--when’s the next time they’ll be in the same place? not soon enough, he thinks) doesn’t mean he’s not going to yell at him for blabbing.

**Author's Note:**

> comments sustain me! :)
> 
> you can also find me on [tumblr](http://springofviolets.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/springofviolets), come say hi.


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